Got Stank?/Transcript
Back to "Got Stank?" Scene 1. Outside the Norrisville High Gymnasium. (Howard and Randy are standing beside a sign which reads: FiGHTiNG CARP B-Ball! DUDES 2NiTE! LADY-DUDES 2MORROW!) Howard: And how is this gonna get us seats in the cool section? Randy: Okay, trust me, Howard. We go in there like, boom! And they're all like, "Oh, no, you di'n't!" and we're like, "Oh, yes, we did!" Howard: Whatever; let's just do it. This stuff's makin' my butt itch. Scene 2. Inside the Norrisville High Gymnasium. (The band is playing, slightly out of tune, as basketball players run across the hardwood floor, dribbling. Howard and Randy burst through the doors of the gymnasium. Randy sets off a pair of air-horns.) Randy: WHAT UP, NORRISVILLE HIIIIIIIIIIGH! (Howard releases two cans of aerosol string with a feeble farting sound. The band, the footsteps and the dribbling die out; there is an instant of stunned silence. Randy looks around nervously, with a slight squeaking sound.) Bash (pointing and bellowing):''' DOOORKS!' (''The crowd laughs uproariously at Randy and Howard. Randy looks right and left with a swooshing sound, then realizes.) Randy: Aw, man, he's talkin' about us! (The scene cuts to Randy and Howard sitting in the bleachers, Randy discontentedly, Howard shivering. The band is playing, and the game continuing.) I don't get it. That incredible display of team spirit was supposed to get us into the Fish Cage. (The camera whooshes over to the "Fish Cage," where a soft babble of conversation is going on. Doug, attempting to enter, runs into Mick's outstretched arm with a smack.) Doug: Awwww. Randy: Only the cool de la cool get to sit there. No freshman has ever gotten in. (Doug comes flying head over heels, yelling aloud.) Doug: Aaaaaaaa-aaaahhhhhhhhh! (Doug crashes into the bleachers with a sound as of Tinkertoys breaking.) Randy: Nice try, Doug! Howard: Hey-hey, at least not sitting with the marching band. Huh? That section's got a Splash Zone. (The camera whooshes to the marching band, where there are clanks, rattles, boings, honks, and crashes heard over their tuneless, squeaky playing, as flung cups, foodstuffs, and other debris are flung at them. The Nameless Maraca Boy catches a flung soda.) Nameless Maraca Boy (pleased):' Ah! (''He is immediately clocked by another flung soda, which splashes over the bleachers as S. Renisewn, the Nameless Boy with a Red Shirt, and Jed Elinoff hoist a tarp to fend it off. Bucky starts to tap his feet and croon to himself as he dings his triangle, and continues dinging as he rises into a little dance.) '''Bucky (crooning):''' Zoot-ba-ba-doo-doo-doo-doooo! '''Flute Girl (disgusted):' Bucky, there's no triangle solo in this song — or ''any song! '''Students: Boooo! Miss Wickwhacker (angrily):''' Bucky, what'd I tell you about show-boatin'! '''Bucky (crooning as he tingles his dinger):' Zoot-ba-ba-doo-doo-doo— (''Miss Wickwhacker seizes Bucky with a yoinking sound. The band ceases playing) '''Miss Wickwhacker (harshly):''' Hensletter, your triangle's writing checks your dinger can't pass! You're benched till further notice! '''Bucky: But the triangle's my life! Miss Wickwhacker: Put your dinger in my hand, son. Bucky: You can take my dinger...but you'll never take MY BACKUP DINGER! (whimpering as he runs out of the gym) Hnn...hnn...hnn...hnn...hnn...hnnnnn! (He knocks over the Carp Mascot, who falls with a thud and flops on the floor with a wibbling sound. Steven plays "Sad Trombone.") Howard: Ooooh, "Sad Trombone." Randy: Ultimate band burn. Scene 3. Inside the Locker Room, transitioning to the Sorcerer's Prison and back. (Bucky runs in and slams the door. He cries out and strikes the door in frustration, then collapses against it and begins whimpering softly.) Bucky: Uhn...uhn...HNNN! Hnnnn...hnn-hnn...hnn-nnn...hnn-nnnnn... (The camera whooshes down through the vent to the Sorcerer's prison.) The Sorcerer (sniffing):' Sff-ff! Sff-ff! (''slurping) Ssllpp-ssllpp-ssllpp-ssllpp! Mmm-mmm! Misery, with subtle notes of humiliation, and just the slightest hint of flop sweat! Slp-slp! Yum! He will do niiicely. (laughing, and gathering up first one, then another whoosh of stank) Hah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hah! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! (The camera whooshes back to the Bucky, as the stank infuses itself into him and his back-up dinger with a metallic swoosh.) '''Bucky: AAA! (beginning to chuckle insanely as the stank transmogrifies him) Huhhh-hhh-hhh! Ooohh-hooo-hooo-hooo-hooo! They'll pay! They'll ALL— (The door flies open with a crash, flattening Bucky into the wall, as the Nameless Boy with Freckles, Glenn, the Nameless Blond Boy with a White Shirt, the Nameless Girl with Big Eyelashes, and the Nameless Girl with Dark Red Hair come hurtling through, shouting.) Students: Heyyyy! Yeaaaaaaa! Come on! (etc.) (The door swings closed with a quiet squeal and a thup.) Bucky (feebly):' ...pay...? (''The Nameless Girl in a Mauve Dress kicks the door open with a crash, again flattening Bucky into the wall.) '''Nameless Girl in a Mauve Dress'' (''humming):' Hmmm-hmm-hmm-hmm... (''The door again swings closed with a quiet squeal and a thup.) ''Scene 4. Inside the Band Room.'' (Students are emptying the spit valves of their instruments as Miss Wickwhacker replaces a horn on a shelf.) '''Miss Wickwhacker: Good game tonight, team. You played some strong D's. Your B-flats and A minor sevenths weren't bad, either. (Stevens plays "Sad Trombone.") Miss Wickwhacker: Stevens, cool it with the trombone jokes! (There is a rumbling sound heard behind her.) Miss Wickwhacker: AAA! (The stanked Bucky, in the form of a fish-like monster, bursts through the wall.) Miss Wickwhacker: WAAA! (Bucky roars.) Scene 5. Outside the showers. (Randy and Howard burst out the door of the showers.) Randy: Uhnnnn! Howard: Feels good to be outta that humiliating body paint! Randy (ironically):' Yeah. Now we're just two freshmen kickin' it in "speedoos"! Nothin' embarrassin' about that. (''A sound of students screaming comes down the hall. The door of the Band Room shudders under a series of booms, as we see that Howard's Speedos read "Mac Daddy" and Randy's read "Daddy Mac.") '''Randy: Somethin' tells me that it's Ninja time! (Randy snatches the Ninja mask from out of his Speedos with a double-swoosh.) Howard: You're gonna put that on your face? Randy: Yes, I am! Howard: But it was in your pants! Randy: Yes, it was! (Randy pulls on the mask, which explodes into a number of swishing streamers that gather around him to form the Ninja suit.) Randy (going into a series of ninja poses):' Hyah! Hyah! Haaahhh! (''Randy races up the hallway.) ''Scene 6. Inside the Band Room.'' '''Band Students (cowering before the stanked Bucky):' AAAAAAA!!! (''Bucky pulls a trumpet into a straight tube with an uncrumpling wudge, then half-roars, half-hisses at the band. He lumbers over to the piano and lifts it.) 'Ninja '(exploding into the room):' S-Moke-Bomb! '''Band' Students: Yeaaaaaaaa! Ninja (to Bucky, pointing):' Drop that piano! (''Bucky hefts it over his head.) Uh-oh. (Bucky smashes the Ninja with the piano.)'' Aa-ah-aaa. (With a sawing noise, the Ninja cuts his way out with his katana.) I probably should have seen ''that coming. (Bucky roars, and flings a flugelhorn at the Ninja, who dodges.) Hua-ah! (The flugelhorn strikes the wall with a toot and a clank. Bucky flings a flute (inscribed "Princess Tootie") at the Ninja, which sails whistling through the air. The Ninja snatches it with a dull metallic klonk, and hands it to Flute Girl.) '''Flute Girl: Princess Tootie! I almost lost you! (Bucky hisses and snatches two clarinets from the Blonde Twins.) First Blonde Twin: Aaaaah! Second Blonde Twin: Aaaaah! Ninja '(''glancing around):' Hey, you, "Cowbell"! ... Cowbell me! (''There is a dull metallic ding as "Cowbell" looks from side to side and then at the cowbells, while the trumpet player stands whimpering.) Nameless Trumpet Player: Huh-huh, huh-huh... ("Cowbell" flings the cowbells to the Ninja with a swoosh; he catches them with an audible ding.) Ninja: Hnnh. (Ringing the cowbells) Haaaaaaaaaah! (Bucky twirls the clarinets with a swoosh, then charges the Ninja with a roar. The Ninja counter-charges, ringing the cowbells and planting a kick on Bucky's head.) Ninja: Ha! (He skids to a stop.) Ninja: Huuuaaaaaa-yaaaaaaaahhh! (.'') Okay, so here's a question, Bucky. What exactly is going on... ''here, (indicating Bucky's whole body with a cowbell) like in this - in this area? Bucky (leaning over the Ninja, in a strained monster voice):' Rrrrr! If I can't play triangle in the band, then ''no-one will! '''Miss Wickwhacker: Bu-but m-my new show-boating policy! He was show-boating — you all saw it! Nameless Maraca Boy (standing helplessly whimpering and trembling with fright and a slight rattling of his maracas):' Huhuhhhuhhhuuuhhhuhhh! Huuhhhh! (''Bucky begins to heave a shelf full of instruments over onto him with a crumbling sound and clanks as instruments begin to fall from the shelves. The Ninja leaps in front of the shelf, straining as he attempts to hold it up.) '''Ninja: Errrrrnnnnnnh! NNHHH! NNNH! (To Maraca Boy) Gonna drop it! (Maraca Boy inches backward, rather slowly.) NNh, ohh. (The shelf crushes the Ninja with a crashing thud. He bursts out through the back of it.) Haaa! (Bucky growls, then leaps out a window (taking a considerable portion of the wall with him) with a howl and a crash. The Ninja rises to his feet. There is a crackling noise, as the ceiling begins to display a series of cracks throughout.) Ninja: Ho, boy. (A large chunk of plaster falls from the ceiling with a heavy thud.) Ninja '(''looking around uncertainly):' Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... (''A splash cymbal stand falls over with a quiet ''tssshhh.) '''Ninja:' Smoke-bomb! (He flings down a smoke-bomb, and disappears with a small explosion.) Scene 7. Inside the Library. Category:Transcripts